Prison Soap Shiv. Bars of Dove will never look the same again.

So I’m taking a Criminal Justice class online this summer with my boyfriend. I took it knowing it would be interesting since, well, my family has had more contact with the system than your average family. Most of my cousins have had their fair share of run-ins with the law, and my brother has been in and out of jails and prisons since he was 17.Now the prison system has come a long way since the times of torture devices and public spectacles of punishment, but it still has a long way to go. Prisoners are neglected and the overcrowding has created a dangerous environment for everyone involved. For example, there was a case in Georgia where an 18-year-old inmate wrote letters to his grandmother pleading for her to contact prison officials for him because he feared he would be raped. Well she and his father did just that, and their fears were brushed aside by the administration. The boy ended up getting jumped by 3 inmates, raped and strangled to death. What makes this story even worse was that 2 hours passed before prison guards even found his body to attempt CPR. This just shows how the overcrowding in the prisons leaves less violent inmates at the mercy of the more dangerous men, and they can’t rely on the guards to protect them.

Now, many people are cruel and believe that since they are criminals they deserve whatever they get. But consider this, although most prisons house violent offenders separate from non-violent offenders, the separation really relies on a system of assigned points, rather than violence. For example, in my brother’s case, he was placed on a yard with violent offenders on one of his stints in prison. He has never been convicted of a violent crime; his crimes are all drug related. But since he received a felony charge for being caught in a stolen car, he was placed on a higher yard. Thankfully nothing happened to him, but it very easily could have. Luckily he makes friends easily and adapts to the politics inside to save his own ass, literally. My point is, there are many non-violent offenders that are left at the mercy of the true crazies inside, and there are not enough guards to keep the peace.

Think of it this way, if a non-violent inmate goes in and has to worry about protecting his life, he’s gonna learn a few tricks. Prisoners come out more violent than they were when they went in! Now combine this with the fact that prisons dehumanize their inmates, and bam!…you got a bunch of dangerous crazies on your hands. Think this doesn’t affect you, since you’ll never wind up in prison? Well think again. About 95% of inmates get released back into the community, and they bring their new little prison tricks to the streets. And let me tell you…a man who can shove a sharpened toothbrush up his ass so that he can have it in case he is attacked on the yard is NOT someone you wanna mess with. In the words of an inmate in Kansas prison, “would you put a pit bull in a cage and poke him with a stick and let him out in a classroom full of kids?…That’s the same thing you’re doing to inmates.”

Ghosts of moments past

For most people I know, including myself, memories are these fascinating little things. Just the idea that there are little movie clips, filled with clear pictures and sound and even sense of smell and emotional attachment, stored somewhere inside your mind to call on when needed is an amazing idea. So whether you’re recalling the memory of a vacation with the family or the touch of a past lover, some memories can be recalled with crystal clear precision.

Now, events that included some kind of strong emotional response, whether traumatizing or fantastical, are always easier to remember thanks to a little area in your brain that highlights such memories. You can see why that might be important when it comes to things such as survival instincts. If you’re a caveman playing with fire to create warmth or cook food, your brain will remember the memory of finding fire so that you can find it again if needed. Same goes if that caveman burns down the forest with that same fire, the memory will remind him that playing with fire is a no-no.

What continues to always amaze me is that a current event can recall a memory you didn’t even know you had. I was reminded of this during this past weekend leading up to my birthday. Now, birthdays when I was a child used to be a very special day, thanks to my mom. Starting when we woke up in the morning for school, it was all about the birthday girl (or in my brothers’ cases, birthday boy). Now you’d think that since it has been almost 9 years since my mom died, that the way my birthdays are now would be commonplace to me, but apparently we were all wrong. This year, more than others past, I was not looking forward to my birthday. It seemed like it would be “just another day” and nothing special. And suddenly, the memories of how special birthdays used to be came flooding back to me like it was yesterday. Waking up in the morning and finding handwritten signs posted on the mirror in the bathroom and the wall by my bed that read “Happy Birthday Kristin” equipped with balloons and swirls in highlighter or marker. Coming into the kitchen to find yet another sign posted on the table where I sat, with colorfully wrapped presents covering the back of the table. Drinking orange juice from a fancy champagne glass and blowing out a single candle that was placed in my mini-pancakes. It was a little girl’s dream morning. My mom was always beaming, no matter how tired or sick she felt.

When I was born

Now after she passed away, I continued to try to make this little set-up for my brother at our new home with my aunt. That lasted a whole year, maybe two, before he outgrew our old traditions and I began my streak of “just another day” birthdays. Then after high school, when I moved out with my former boyfriend, I did the same thing for him, which he enjoyed. Although I wasn’t able to experience the special birthday morning of my past, it was comforting to be able to carry on the tradition.

Now what I’m wondering is, why people can’t seem to recall memories they would like to, but can be assaulted by memories they didn’t even know they still had. Remembering the birthdays of my past came to me without warning or effort on my part, and they appeared as clear as a home movie; yet when I make a conscious effort to try to remember the sound of my mom’s voice or the smell of her perfume or the dimples in her smile, I come up blank.

It’s a scary thing not being able to remember someone so integral to your life. It’s the little details that get lost in the void of more current memories. I could spend hours trying to nail down her smile and come up empty, but then I can look at a picture of myself, captured mid-laugh, and see her so easily. I look so much like her sometimes its crazy, but seeing myself in the mirror doesn’t recall any memories of my past, it just looks like well…me?

My mom (on the right)

 But in certain instances, when I see myself from the view of another person’s camera lens, it scary how similar I look to her. From the eyes, to the smile, to all of the lines on my face during that moment of happiness, its crystal clear. Which is a little frustrating actually, since I wouldn’t be able to recall a clear memory of her like that if my life depended on it. But I guess that’s how memories work. If we could recall anything and everything we ever experienced, well our brains would be huge, and I’m not sure I’d like having a head that big.

Everyone around me is crazy…literally.

So, to anyone who has ever taken a Psychology class…have you ever noticed that as you read through the behaviors associated with specific disorders you feel like you know someone who fits the description? Of course you do! We all know people who are a little paranoid or a little phobic or just a little wonky in general. And, if you are seriously considering a career in Psychology, that diagnostic instinct seems to kick in pretty quick. Soon you’ll be seeing Schizophrenics and Obsessive-Compulsives and Substance Dependents running around your neighborhood (well… if you live anywhere near where I grew up I’m sure you really were seeing all those substance-dependents). So anyway, I came across this disorder in class last week, listed under the Personality disorders in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders: Antisocial Personality disorder.

Now, the first thing that came to my mind was something along the lines of an emo teenager sitting in the corner of his room in the dark listening to My Chemical Romance (whose music I love by the way), but I was so far off base.

“Antisocial Personality Disorder:Chronic failure to conform to social and legal codes, lack of anxiety and guilt and irresponsible behaviors.”
Also, there was an extra added description from 1976 that added: “Superficial charm, good intelligence, shallow emotions and lack of empathy, behaviors indicative of little life plan, absence of anxiety, lack of ability to learn from experiences, unreliability, insincerity and untruthfulness.”

So, my new thought after hearing the behaviors went a little something like this: Holy shit! That’s my brother!

Yes, that’s right. I’m saying my brother has Antisocial Personality disorder. Then, the icing on the cake was when my professor told me that something around 80% of all criminals in the prison system are Antisocial Personality. Well that sealed the deal.

My brother’s behaviors were there before his first little vacation to prison, but after he came out boy was it obvious. His freak flag was flying high. Now, I love my brother, but he fits in well with the rest of the family. We’re all a few chicken nuggets short of a happy meal, and we’re proud of it. Granted, I’m not advocating that he should be proud of being a criminal, especially since he so frequently gets caught…so he’s apparently not very good at his chosen profession, but hey, to each their own.

So, why am I telling you about my crazy family? Well because he isn’t the only person I’ve been able to relate disorders to that I know well. Sometimes it’s just a little inkling of similarity and other times there’s no question who fits the bill. I happen to think it’s interesting that I know so many crazy people =) Not that I’m saying that everyone who has a mental disorder is actually crazy, that just wouldn’t be an accurate thing for me to say as a possible future psychologist. So, to end this little rant, I thought I’d share this with you.
…Since I’m pretty sure I might actually go crazy one day…but maybe not for pancakes =)

To all the careerwomen who plan on having a family…Good luck?

So by far, my favorite Psych class is one of the ones I am currently in: Diversity in Marital and Family Relations. Now, being that Chapman is 70% female, and this is a Psych class, it’s almost all girls ( I think there are 2 guys in the class). So, to preface the class introduction on the first day, our professor warned us that most women leave his class feeling like they will never get married and will NEVER have kids. Well we’re about half way through the semester and all I gotta say is…he’s right. Which totally sucks being a chick.

So, for most women who are attending college, we have dreams of having a successful career and we kind of assume that we can just sandwich in time to find a husband, get married and have kids somewhere along the way. Well ladies, our biological clocks are trying to kill these dreams. See our pesky little tickers say that our fertility will begin to drop around 28… which is why some women in their early 30’s have trouble getting pregnant in the predetermined “6 months”. What do I mean by this? Well, fertility specialists say that most couples, about 72% of them, should be able to get pregnant within the first 6 months of trying. If not, something’s wrong. Now, as long as you are under 35, you wont be classified as having fertility issues for after a year, the doctors will just consider it a red flag… so keep on trying! For those over 35, once you hit the 6 month mark and there’s no bun in the oven, it’s time to see a doctor. You see, after the initial fertility drop around 28, it continues to slow until it hits a sharp decline around 37. And once you hit your early 40’s (right around 44), the large majority of women wont be able to get pregnant with their own eggs.

Now the funny this is, that 90% of young, professional men think that women can get pregnant into their early 40’s with no problems at all. So, you ever wonder why your guy might be dragging his feet? Well that’s why. But I wouldn’t blame it all on them ladies. Most career-driven women are misinformed as well. They think that they can put off having a family until they get to a safe-spot in their careers, but by then it’s too late for most of them. The more successful and higher-earning a woman is, the less likely it is that she will have children. And it’s not because the career women don’t want kids; the large majority have said that they had always wanted and planned to have them, but they got so caught up in their careers that by the time they tried, they couldn’t.

Now the media has something to do with all this misinformation as well. Seeing all of these famous movie stars in their mid-forties having little bouncing babies doesn’t exactly support the whole “ticking clock” idea. But the reality of the matter is, the large majority of them would have had to use Advanced Reproductive Technology in order to have those little bundles of joy. Unlike men who keep producing sperm, women have a set number of eggs and lets face it…we lose them every month during that week of hell that is fondly known as a period.  Now, take Nicole Kidman for example. The woman was born in 1967, and she had a kid in 2008 and she just had twins? Well ladies and gentlemen, multiple births are a good sign of fertility treatments. Look at Octomom… fertility treatments gone bad. Most fertility centers wont transfer that many embryos back into a woman after InVitro Fertilization, because they don’t want the risk of that many babies, but well, shit happens. So back to Nicole Kidman…twins, good for her!  Granted she admittedly used a gestational carrier for the twins, but she hasn’t said anything about how she conceived the first child. But in reality, one round of IVF costs about $12,400. Now to a movie star, that’s money they have lying around waiting  to be spent, and when it’s on a chance to have a baby it’s well worth it. But to the average American woman, that’s a good chunk of change when you consider the fact that IVF only has a 25-30% success rate. Eeek.

So, what’s the moral of the story here? Well nothing in particular. Just the idea that maybe people should take a little more time to life-plan, rather than just having a single focus and hoping that the rest will all fall into place. Because you don’t want to end up being part of the infertility statistic. 1 in 6 couples in America will be affected by infertility. To say it in a little scarier of a way, that equals out to about 4.3 million of the 28 million couples in America…aka… a hell of a lot of people. And you know some people might be totally fine with paying for treatments and conceiving that way, but for me, having to use donor eggs and/or donor sperm to have a baby that isn’t even biologically mine…not exactly on the top of my list.